so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
