the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
