was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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