so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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