I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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