I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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