I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
