nut hugger
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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