if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
