I wanna bring you to show and tell
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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