he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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