Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
