Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
