I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
