Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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