also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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