Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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