eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
