College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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