Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
