somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
