i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All the doctor said was why
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
