just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
