I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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