My room smells like vodka and shame
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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