I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
