You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
