From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just googled if crying burns calories
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
