4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
