I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
