we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
