really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
