I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
