I wish I only lived at night.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
