Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
