why didn't you poke me back
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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