you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
