yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
