i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
