So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
