What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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