Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
