It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
