Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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