I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im part way to drunk.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
