Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
