he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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