for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
