I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
