We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
