If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
