Umm I'm too high to move.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Randomize
