Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
