If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
