Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He better not be in your backpack
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
