i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
