dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
