Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
