I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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