Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
