My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
