when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are a genius and a whore.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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