i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
