I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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