I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
