420 ftw
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
