New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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