I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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