all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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