So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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