he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
