Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
