I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
