I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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