I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
