BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
