She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
