Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
