my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
