i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
