I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
